Coat ofArms

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Joke of the Day - Wednesday 13 Aug 2014



I have to admit, I have great friends with a good sense of humour, enjoy
A man received the following text from his good friend and neighbor :

"I am so sorry, Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess that I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, much more than you do."

"I'm not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my apology with my promise that it won't happen again. You have my word."

The man, angry and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in : “Damn auto-correct. I meant 'wifi,' not 'wife.'

-----------------------------------------------

Another I like, for any teachers or COPS out there

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. (my favorite...)

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming..

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.


These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" ( I've actually used this one... and it is in fact, very funny )

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."(National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....


16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."



Sunday, 3 August 2014

3 August 2014 6 years exactly since my Plane crash

Today to celebrate 6 years since that famous day in 2008, I decided to go for a solo skydive at Skydive Vancouver in Abbotsford, BC.  Felt great, had a slight helmet problem on the first jump, on landing Debbie was kind enough to sew the helmet strap so it wouldn't fall apart in the air, here's a few selfie photos with the GoPro hero 3+ camera, enjoy.

 Showing the GoPro image on my iPhone to our Manifest girl







Saturday, 5 July 2014

2014 Connect BBQ - West House


This saturday since it was cloudy and overcast, I went to West House BBQ in Langley and met several people that were there during my Rehab,  Michael Coss and his dad(Bob) was there, Michael's brother Dwayne's daughter Audrey was there from Montreal, it was good seeing them.  I only took a few photos, enjoy.


















Saturday, 7 June 2014

Saturday 7 June 2010 Good day for a skydive

Today I went to Abbotsford and did a jump with my new Rig and canopy, my friend Dave Davison was there and took a few photos, I have to admit I like my new canopy.  I also saw Gord Allan and several others.  On my jump my Altitrack didn't work well and I relied on the dytter and counting, opened high but was good.  When I got home I download the manual and I think I may have solved the problem.  Here's a few photos.






Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Joke of the Day - Wednesday 14 May 2014


Diary of a woman on a Cruise ...

Day 1
I prepare for this wonderful cruise.
I packed my clothes. I'm so excited !

Day 2
All day at sea Splendide!
Saw dolphins and whales.
What a great time !
Today I met the Captain, a handsome man , Alain Delon about 40 + years.

Day 3
Pool. I did a little surfing and shot a few golf balls.
Captain has invited me  to his table for dinner. It was an honor and I had a good time .
This is a very attractive and attentive man, he has beautiful blue eyes.

Day 4
I went to the casino on the cruise and I got lucky !
Captain invited me to lunch at his cabin.
Sumptuous meal with caviar and champagne.
He asked me to spend the afternoon in his cabin, but I declined the invitation.
I told him I did not want to be unfaithful to my husband.

Day 5
I returned to the pool and then I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day.
Captain saw me and invited me for a drink .
Actually, he is a charming man .
He asked me if I wanted to go to his cabin that night ,
I told him no. He told me that if I did not change my mind, he would sink the ship.

Day 6
Last night I saved 1600 people ... four times ! ! !



Sunday, 11 May 2014

Mother's Day First Solo Skydive since crash

Today my Nephew Jason was in town so we went to Skydive Vancouver in Abbotsford and he watch me do my first solo skydive since my plane crash Aug 3rd, 2008.  It felt great to fly my brand new Mirage G-5 and Safire2 custom canopy.  I will be back for more, the skydive Bug bite me again.  Here's a few photos Jason took from the ground.

















Thursday, 1 May 2014

Joke of the Day - Thursday 01 May 2014


Courtesy of my Good friend Rod Gregg
Police Officer Test

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police officer?
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.  What do you do ?

ANSWER:
English  Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?


Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !

American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !


Glasgow Police Officer:



"Haw, Jimmie.. Drop the knife, now, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"