Joke of the Day - Wed 06 June 2012

One day, my wife calls me on my cell phone completely Angry & Mad.

“So Mr. Drunk, Where are you now? 
I calmly answer “Remember the Jewelry store a long time ago where you spotted a beautiful diamond crusted ring? 
And you fell in Love with it and I told you “One day it’ll be yours” 
My wife all emotional almost crying says 
“Yes My Love, I remember”  
I answered. “Well I’m in the Bar next to it!”  
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This one you can send to your favourite Mechanic  Sorry Vince your name was easier to spell  
At the Pearly Gates, a furious guy meets St-Peter. “What is going on, What Am I doing here?” he yells. Look at me, I’m 35 years old, in excellent shape, don’t drink, don’t smoke, last night I went to bed peacefully, and here I am in Heaven, it’s gotta be a mistake. 

St-Peter a bit troubled responds, “It’s never happened but I’ll verify, What is your name? 
Ornato, Vince Ornato 
OK, What Profession are you? 
“Mechanic” Vince Ornato, Mechanic.  
Well Mr. Ornato, you died of old age, that’s all. 
“Old Age, that’s impossible, I’m only 35 
St-Peter replies, Well Mr.Ornato I really don’t know, but here we count all the man-hours you billed and we come up with 123 Years!!!! 

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What is the fastest thing in the World?

The Englishman says.

I would say Thinking, because thinking is immediate.
The Frenchman says.
I would say Light, because it’s been proven, nothing beats the speed of light.
The Newfie says.
I think diarrhea, because when you have diarrhea you don’t have time to Think or turn on the light, you’re already in Shit.